Keep Driving

I was on my way home from  work yesterday, fighting traffic, ready to enjoy a four day weekend and time with my family when a car caught my eye.  The front of it was beautiful, clearly a new coupe, with a bright silver paint job, but as I moved closer I saw the entire rear had been crushed. It was still drive-able, but it's side was literally smashed. The metal looked as if it had been crumpled into a ball and someone had tried to unfold it.  The sparkle of the paint job was still there, but it was littered by scratches and dents.  Although the car seemed durable and strong, the reality is that the impact showed it's fragility. Yet, it kept on driving.

Maybe I am just getting sentimental as I age, but I could not help but think how this car was such a true representation of the human condition.  You could almost see the accident happening. I'm sure the driver had other things on his mind that day, perhaps what was for dinner, a meeting he was late for, or how Pandora always plays the songs over and over again...... when BAM!  The impact occurred, one second his car was fine, the next he had an expensive project on his hands.

Isn't that how life can be?  It surprises us. We travel along, doing our daily stuff, going to work, keeping the house clean, trying to make sure everyone has clean underwear, and  throwing in a little fun when we can. When all of a sudden we are faced with more.  Perhaps it's a tragedy on a large scale, a death, divorce, job loss, but sometimes its just a fender-bender.  We fight with our spouse, we fail at a project, have a health scare.  All of these events leave a mark.  We are left with dents and scratches.

Humanity is fragile.  We put on airs of toughness; most days we do what needs to be done for the sake of our family, our jobs, or our own pride.  But we are all just one wrong turn, one phone call away from the tough exterior breaking down.  Yet, just like that car, we keep on driving.  

There is no doubt these impacts forever change us.  The pain and trials in our lives leave deep marks in our hearts and minds, but they do not destroy us.  Yes we are fragile, but we also have a durability, a desire to keep going,  to keep fighting the pain, and travel onward.

I have always looked at parents who have suffered the loss of a child and wondered, how do they do it?  How do they get our of bed every day, drink their coffee and face the day?  I am in awe of their strength and resiliency, but I have never understood how it came to be.

For some reason seeing this banged up car gave me a picture of our humanity.  When scripture says" we are fearfully and wonderfully made," I wonder if this is part of that.  He understood that life would be hard and that we were being born into a world that undoubtedly would have its share of pain and suffering, yet he created us to withstand.  I believe it is one of the miracles of creation, the softness of the human heart, combined with the will to survive.

Today is Thanksgiving, and I am also thinking about living a life of gratitude. So for this mystery I am grateful.  I give thanks that I am created to love and be loved, to stay sensitive to the pain and see suffering for what it is, but I do not let the pain consume me.  I am thankful that we have been created to live a life with dents and scratches. We are all a little banged up, but we keep on driving.  The journey can still be beautiful.

My Sisterhood

I recently had the privilege of spending the weekend with four of the most amazing women I know, my lovely momma, my two gorgeous aunts, and my soul-sister cousin.  I have know these women since I was a twinkle in my daddy's eye, and every time I see them they get more and more beautiful. When I laugh and love with them I am at home.

I also happened to be at a wedding surrounded by 26 year old knock-outs, which of course caused a bit of insecurity about my mom-of- three body.  However, as the days progressed something magical happened.


As we talked I couldn't help but think about what it means to get older, to have the days suddenly seem like they are drifting away.  I know I am only 37, but every year seems to get a little shorter. Its so trite, yet so true, I swear I was seventeen yesterday.  Life keeps moving whether I like it or not, but  I thought about the legacy I hope to leave behind, I realized  I have been given some pretty amazing teachers.

I still remember what it was like to be my own children's age and to hear the sisters laughing in the next room. I can see my Aunt Debbie paint her small but cozy house, glowing in a tube top and shorts so she could to soak in the sun.  I remember sitting in my Aunt Sherry's attic room, reading Raggedy Anne as she tucked me in for the night.  I can hardly forget the hours I spent with my cousin Ashley, playing Barbies, dressing up in Grandma's heels, talking about the latest crushes.  I know these happened years ago, but if I shut my eyes, there I am.

So, when I see them today, I am transported to those times of what it felt like to be surrounded by such a magnitude of love.  They showed me what it meant to be a woman, and the examples they gave were full of wisdom and grace.

I learned that like my Aunt Debbie, I could remain positive and trust God, even when my circumstances seem out of control. She has shown me that strength does not come from a hard shell, but is a steadfast resilience in the face of trials.



My aunt Sherry taught me what it means to have a childlike love for humanity.  She has never wavered in her desire to make this wold a better place, and to put action behind her words.  She defined what it means to work hard for what you believe to be true, but more importantly to enjoy the life we have so graciously been gifted.


My Ashley... she has taught me that being a woman is about learning and growing, and following your heart.  Spending time with her reminds me that life is about LIVING, it is about seeing the beauty in every moment and not taking the time we have for granted.  She has shown what it means to love Jesus, not because of religion, but because of his great love for us.

And my mom, she has exemplified  living out loud, to be wholly present in the moment and to be proud of who I am.  She has passion in all she does, from her work as a teacher to her love for animals.  She pushes me to question and seek truth at all costs.

I remembered this weekend that being a woman is not about the package, it is about the heart and soul of who we are.  I  realized that I have spent so many years working on the package, that I have neglected to see the beauty in who I am. I have had the gift of growing up surrounded by beauty and love that is heart- deep. Because these women have poured themselves into loving me, I am more than a shell.  To think otherwise is to take for granted the lives that they have carried out and the paths they have carved for this generation.  My body is not me, I am the culmination of a sisterhood that will last for all eternity.

“Women are going to form a chain, a greater sisterhood than the world has ever known.” 

― Nellie L. McClung

Real life, Real Bodies

Recently I have taken notice of the images that appear in the name of fitness on Facebook and other social media posts.  As someone who has worked very hard to maintain a positive body image and pass that on to an very impressionable tween daughter, I am here to say, ENOUGH!

Take a look at this:

First of all, yay for her. Seriously,  I'm very happy she looks this great.  That body is rockin, and I and I have no doubt she works her but off to get it, but we all know that the picture isn't the whole story.  We live in an age where where retouching, hoto-shopping, and great lighting make all the difference.

That's not even what bothers me.  If this were an ad for a sports-bra, I'd be like whatevs....

What bothers me is the wording.  Ummm...no, I can't.  Trust me when I tell you that I am surrounded by people who work HARD and eat pretty damn well.  They don't look like this. They have cellulite, they have wrinkles, they have saggy boobs, they have stretch marks.  They do not have this body, they have a body that has lived life.

The message here is,  YOU are not working hard enough, YOU are not eating clean enough, YOU are not strong enough.

What is even more bothersome is that the people posting these images are not models, or even everyday people hitting the gym after work .  It is the people in MY industry, the personal trainers, the gym owners, and fitness gurus.   The people who are supposed to be in the business of making people healthy and strong!

Are these images really drawing people toward a love of fitness and health?  Or, does this make the idea of of healthy life seem even more impossible to attain?

I am just so sick of this idea that perfection is what we are after.  The saddest part is that we keep perpetuating the notion that if we work-out a little harder, eat a little less, and punish ourselves more we will get THE body...then...lo and behold, we will finally be happy.

I have struggled with my weight since I was ten years old.  I have been a lot heavy, a little heavy, and in the past few years have seen the scale read some pretty low numbers.  Guess what, it didn't change how I felt about me.  At my heaviest all I wanted was to be thinner, at my lightest I lived in fear of not maintaining that number.   Through a lot of prayer and reflection I have finally come to understand that this body does not define me.  I love working out, I love being comfortable in my jeans. I love the way it feels to run and  play on the beach.  But if I don't remember that this is just a body, I will never find real joy.

In his letter to the Phillipians, Paul says it like this.  "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned  the secret of being content in every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

In her blog, Shauna says it like this.  "I know what it is to feel fat, and I know what it is to feel skinny.  I have learned the secret of lasting joy, whether eating cupcakes or ricecakes; whether I exercise every day or not.  God is my source of strength and when I look to Him, it's all good."

So, even though "I can't", I remember that HE can and I relax a bit in my imperfection.

Peace Out.